Eye to Eye
My parents were particular about their kids not having to wear glasses as my mother had glasses which were of high power as per my father. I remember wearing the cylindrical lensed glasses of my mother and feeling all dizzy and seeing the floor move like a wave.
Cut to when I was 9, I started having issues with seeing the blackboard clearly, By then, my elder sister was using headache glasses. There was this one Wipro eyecare health camp where in they told me that I needed glasses. I don't think I told this piece of information to my mother. Maybe I was afraid of the 'lecture' that I'd get back home.
I managed by siting closer to the blackboard. But this was not possible cause believe it or not, I was among the tallest in my class at that time. And eventually I started wearing prescribed glasses(-1.5D power, I guess) when I was 10. Now, my eyesight seemed to worsen quickly and I hid this at home cause I felt responsible for it. I thought to myself, is it because I watched something which I shouldn't have.
And then I remember changing my glasses to around -2.5D and by next visit the power had increased a lot. While the optometrist didn't write me a higher prescription(she wrote something like -3D), the optical glass storeman had the audacity to convince my father to have my sight checked in his store and have glasses of around -5.5D being made. It might have a few extra bucks of sales for him but my soul seemed to shatter that day. I remember going home and crying in the lap of my mother. I never used those high powered glasses and I became even more confidential about my eye sight.
I spent the next seven years using the same old glasses while my sight worsened, I would copy notes from my bench mates, I got good at memorising stuff when teachers used to say out stuff before writing it on the blackboard. It was like a open secret at school that I couldn't see properly with my glasses. But this wasn't noticed by my teachers or I was good at hiding it from them or they didn't want to interfere in this issue. I was in the top 5 in my high school and in top 3 in my intermediate and I went on to score an all India rank in CA IPCC all whilst wearing low powered glasses. I sometimes wonder how things would have been if I would have come clean about my fears.
I did tell my mother about it after listening to 'Before Its Too Late' by Westlife(I was literally sobbing). I remember going for an eye check-up. That good optometrist realised the sudden jump in my number and reassured that having a good diet will help my eyesight. She didn't write any new prescription. She asked me to change my diet and come after a month a follow up to which we never went.
By all means, I had a very fun teenage except for this secret that I kept to myself. It was one of my biggest fears growing up. I knew I had a high power and I would google what was the highest power that one could get, I already reached around -6D early and I assumed that -10 would be the last. And the reason why I watered this fear was because I genuinely believed that I was the one at blame for my poor eyesight. That good old nasty 'Karma theory'. When I look back, I did all things which my sisters did and they had almost normal eyesight. Heck, they studied so much that their eyes were more strained.
This fear dictated my decision of choosing commerce as a stream after my 10th. I thought I'd blew my cover if I took science stream. The difficulty in taking notes continued in my intermediate but I had a good time. I was lucky to find good friends. One of my friends was also my bench mate. I remember sharing a forward-text with her which went something like 'If you were a thing what would you be?' . She replied saying that she'd be my glasses.
When I turned 18 my grandmother had a cataract surgery and as we were in an eye hospital my mother made me take the eye test. I was prescribed -7D. My mother was in shock cause she wasn't expecting such a high number. To avoid the comments about my thick glasses(which I still got and continue to get) I started wearing contact lenses. One of my close friends used to wear them which gave me confidence in using them.
I started having regular eye check-up and the dreaded but necessary retina check-up. My power wouldn't stabilise yet. My eyesight kept getting worse. I had to take almost an year off due to this. In the meanwhile, one good friend(bless his soul) of mine told me about the 'School for the Perfect Eyesight' in Pondicherry. (DM me if you need the address and other details)
This institute was set up by Dr. Agarwal who used Bates method to use non-conventional method to improve eyesight and cure eye ailments. Human eye is made up of muscles and we can strengthen by doing exercises. This helped me immensely in fending off my fears. Life changing in many ways.
I try to be regular with these exercises. I do not dread getting my eyes checked anymore. I love my glasses. It is obviously not easy. I still get comments about my glasses. Imagine mocking someone's weakness, people are unbelievably insensitive and hypocrites. I can handle the daytime floaters, my complete dependence on my glasses. But I no longer tolerate people who mock me for this. It's been over 4years since the last time I got hurt my people's comments, it hurt cause I thought they were my friends.
Anyway, this journey helped me in facing my other fears and not being afraid to voice my issues. This helped me in being vocal about my symptoms of probable Endo. I stopped blaming myself for the health conditions that I get. I realise that I have power in dealing with the issues and that I have not much control as to what issues I face.
This is one big reason why I do not believe in 'Karma Theory' and rebirth, it is highly ableist and is used by many to perpetuate discrimination and oppression. I do not need any theory to justify the unfairness of life. I do not chase 'reason' for bad incidents and accidents anymore.
Thanks for reading.
Video links for Eye exercises
Comments
Post a Comment