In the search of

Love - Love - a subject of interest for countless writers and artists across human history. We got love poems, love letters, love songs, love stories and the list goes on. Greek philosophers sat down to discuss all the different kinds of love that we experience. And years later, this girl sitting in her home wrote a couple dozen poems on love, love letters and then articles on it.  Navigating through life as is, I find myself seeking clarity for the connections that I make, the experiences that I have and the feelings that I have. There certainly is an element of wanting to label things and put them in boxes. There is also the influence of pop-culture and my perception of people’s stories. So here is a little piece of my mind on ‘love’:  Love - First/Last  Now, I believe that love is like a thread that continues throughout our lives. We live our lives, we fall in love and life as we know it changes. But what if we get separated from our love?  I watched this show called ‘AfterLife’ w

Growing up I watched a lot of Shoujo Anime. And those anime greatly shaped my fantasies regarding romantic love. I began to romanticize the childhood sweetheart kind of love. I also used to watch a lot of Disney sitcoms and listen to English love songs. You look so beautiful (to me) As most of the Indian households, I did not get to see the PDA kind of love. Have you ever loved somebody so much that it makes you cry I am leaving random song lyrics here and there not knowing if they are even correct or just misheard lyrics.  Anyway, so the last decade was a happening decade in the sphere of love in my life, as it should be(18-28). I’ve had friends catch feelings for me, I’ve witnessed friends falling in love with each other, I’ve fallen in love, many kinds of love. And this love makes me feel so many different, difficult, unreal, lively feelings.   Now, the safest love for me will be familial in general and maternal in specific. It may not be so for many. And then there is the love that

On one weekend of September, 2022, Roger Federer, my role model since I was a teen, retired from professional tennis. He gave us fans the best farewell we could ever ask for. He and Nadal, playing together, the crowd cheering them on from the stands and from countless living rooms, from social media feeds. All of us knew that a big, beautiful part of our lives was coming to a close. And as my mind was giving me the flashback of the times in this amazing, so-close-to-my-heart journey, I knew that many others were going through the same. Growing up, I used to read the sports section of the newspaper and that’s how I came to know about Feddy. I remember that he was THE guy at the top, the one everyone wanted to beat. The first match I watched was the Australian Open Final against Nadal, I remember seeing him cry for being so close to equalising Pete Sampras' count of 14 GS titles and not making it. And the way Nadal comforted him and told him that he’s going to break that record soon

My earliest memory of this east coast city was that of roughly 8 years ago. Life was very different then. I’ve heard people say that all the cells in our body get replaced in like 7 years, and turns out this is false. It would have been cool if this was true though. Anyway, this was my fourth visit to the city.  The first visit was more of a touristy visit even though a lot was going on, the question of ‘what next?’ was in my head. The next visit was a pleasant outcome of the ‘what next?’ question of the previous visit. And these were quite memorable two days, with a lot of chaos which seem amusing today. I got a bruise, my father’s first flight(he called the plane - a city bus), I lost my mother’s phone, the first trip of us four. My third visit was in the middle of the pandemic, right before the second wave and we were grieving the loss of our dear Mili. This time, with the assurance of technology aka Google Maps, I ventured out on the streets of the city. And to my surprise I manage

'They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time when somebody says your name for the last time' As a human, I find myself wanting my loved ones to be safe and sound, to not be hurting, to not be in pain. But as a human, I know that life gives everyone a bit of everything. And I feel I am being selfish in a way because it is me who doesn’t want to feel helpless when they are not having a good time. Maybe, this is the reason why I’d rather go through the stuff myself than witness them go through it. There is this desire to hold on tightly to them, especially when I notice that things are changing. And then there is a fear that as life moves forward I’ll maybe start to forget the details which meant so much to me at a certain point of time. In this new city, I find myself searching for familiar faces in the crowd. The moment I hear the language of my home city my ears beam up. Then there is a strange feeling to know that the people who are coming into m

Time and space, each of us experiences them differently individually and also differently throughout our lives. I feel like I live different lives in the different places I get to be, lives so distinct that it seems like I live in different worlds altogether. So when I got to travel to so many places in such a little span of time, it's safe to say that many things changed.   An escape from the one reality, to listen to my heart and not think about the non-existent future. I've always lived my life not thinking much about the future, I've been more of a looking back person. But now, I had to confront the possibility of the happening or non happening of a future which I once wished for. Why do I say 'wished' and not 'wish'? Cause I do not know anymore what I want. The possibility of it not happening makes my heart quiver. Do not get me wrong, I know for sure that whatever happens, life will keep moving on. But this confusion of sorts pushed me to think about w

One of the good thing about nothing being permanent in life is that we get to grow as a person. We are not stones which can be carved only once, instead we are more like a jelly that keeps changing with time and circumstances. While some can argue that the core qualities of our personality never changes, but I think life can throw a curveball in such intensity and speed that a person can change their core, Then again, people say that your character comes through in such situations. But, tell me what even is character? Anyway, the growth that I want to talk here is about my fresh new perspective on travel. I was not much into travelling for logistical and safety issues, you know the 'will there be good toilets?', 'I'm gonna be on my periods' etc. But my recent mandatory travel across the Southern India made me change my opinion on travel. I was a good traveller this time. My experiences were varied across the places that I got to travel. Our first stop in the temple

If I were to ask you to imagine the best version of a world, how long would it take for you to think about the status of non-human animals in it? My answer to this question changed overnight, and I am not exaggerating. One February evening, a kitten came into our lives and changed it for the better. That was the first night when I dreamed about a cat and I keep dreaming about them now. This tiny but mighty kitten had the power to show me the world in a different light. A personality so strong she not only had the strength to save herself but also two other little kittens. She probably gave me the best month of my life. She made the difficult days better even when she herself was struggling. And our queen lives on. We talk about her everyday, the happy moments, the tense moments, the calm moments, the sad moments, the musical moments, the playful moments. There will never be anyone like her yet we see her in almost every cat.  And then came Moonbeam, or like I love to call her, 'Moo

Its been a long time since a song stuck with me like this song. It is titled 'Iris' by Goo Goo Dolls, for all the good and bad reasons, 'I/eye' seems to be a strong thread for this part of my life And I'd give up forever to touch you 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now The song starts of with sense of hope, desperation and it distinctly reminds me of times when I felt the time stand still like the new years' eve of 2017 or my 25th birthday. And now when I think of these moments I feel lucky that I got to experience them as I struggle with the present and hopelessly pine all my hopes on a tomorrow that'll be better. I do not want to go home alone tonight. And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life And sooner or later, it's over I just don't wanna miss you tonight The moments which I know will never repeat again in life. Th