In the search of

 Hello,  I happened to watch a documentary called 'Wisdom of Trauma' which moved me. It talks about how people take on addictions in the form of work, drugs, tobacco, sex, video games etc to feel better. People try to escape this reality which hurts them. The underlying intention of 'wanting to feel good/better' is what caught my attention. The escape that we choose, in my case I'd say I consume social media and also take writing as an escape from the reality. While this is unhealthy, but not demonised like other addictions, say smoking or drinking. I have been witness to what these addictions can do. And I realise why is it difficult to let go of these habits of escape. Help, addiction is but a cry for help. Next time, you use statements like 'I hate people who smoke/drink/do drugs', maybe think again. We tend to do self harm in different ways, but what we are in need of is help. I guess this is what it means to hate the sin and not the sinner. The other pr...

I came across this song in 2018 and was completely blown away by it. I am not usually do not leave comments under YouTube videos but this song made me feel so many things that I ended up leaving a comment. It went something like this - "This song makes me taste a bit of what it would it be like waiting to say someone how much they mean to me and then in the meantime they're not around. How much ever I scream, my words will not reach them. That's the biggest regret that anyone can have. I hope I don't have it in my life."   An intense song for sure. Let me know what you think about it. Here’s the Youtube link :  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZBG-S8uSfI And the Spotify link :  https://open.spotify.com/track/1pvi1LxX7QAGapp2r3yQLo?si=xqS_gAL2RHmQerfPo6u2rQ&utm_source=copy-link&dl_branch=1   Recently I got back to this song and it seemed like a good idea to see what this song means to me now.   ‘Like the perfect ending It won't be too long T...

When the joker gets away with the final laugh and the teddy misses by a whisker When the crush of my friend has a crush on someone else When they know parts of him that I'll never know When they know parts of me that he'll never know When she is not as nice as he said she was When she is nicer than he said she was When he lets me be with my emotions When she lets me speak when I'd rather cry When someone calls me their bestfriend When lines that do not move me seem to move others so deeply When I get attention but not from someone that I want When I do not necessarily have a reason to not necessarily like something

The dreaded F-word that I got to hear almost on a daily basis at the school and sometimes also at home. It wasn't in English though. And maybe it meant differently for those who used it to address it, but for me it was a description of my size. I started to use it too at home occasionally, I do so even now), I do not think I mean it in that way. But I certainly use it with a negative connotation and not as a term of endearment. I was not conscious about my size but was made to feel conscious. It was not the movie stars or models which made me feel insecure but the insensitive mockery that my classmates would make of my size, my gait. I used to wonder if I was not what is considered to be a 'above average' student then how much worse it would have been.  I wasn't the best at physical activity. But maybe a little practice and encouragement would have helped. Remember, this was the time when I was also dealing with the secrets of my eyesight. Anyway, it wasn't until la...

 The following piece is written according to my understanding of issues and my lived experiences that have shaped my opinion about them. My multiple identities influence the way I see the world and my response to what I face. You are free to disagree with me entirely or maybe you'll agree with some points and disagree with some points. That's completely fine and if you want we can have a discussion spanning over days(I'm not much of an immediate responder these days for multiple reasons). So having said that, I'll begin with my definition for morality, the reason or the rational(values, principles) for distinguishing right from wrong and religion here means including the entire scriptures, mythology, philosophy, rituals and the practices being followed in its name. There is this debate in philosophy which talks about religion and morality. Some say morals are derived from religion, some say that religion and morals are separate and some say that both are interdependent ...

 My parents were particular about their kids not having to wear glasses as my mother had glasses which were of high power as per my father. I remember wearing the cylindrical lensed glasses of my mother and feeling all dizzy and seeing the floor move like a wave. Cut to when I was 9, I started having issues with seeing the blackboard clearly, By then, my elder sister was using headache glasses. There was this one Wipro eyecare health camp where in they told me that I needed glasses. I don't think I told this piece of information to my mother. Maybe I was afraid of the 'lecture' that I'd get back home. I managed by siting closer to the blackboard. But this was not possible cause believe it or not, I was among the tallest in my class at that time. And eventually I started wearing prescribed glasses(-1.5D power, I guess) when I was 10. Now, my eyesight seemed to worsen quickly and I hid this at home cause I felt responsible for it. I thought to myself, is it because I watc...

 The flower we saw that day When I watched it for the first time what caught my attention was the web of love interests. I thought how can kids so young have feelings of 'love'. I remember binge watching it in monsoon of 2014. I also remember my mother scolding me for doing so. I was not supposed to have screen time. I listened to its soundtrack in the summer of 2011 when my sister watched it. I didn't get what made people feel sentimental about it. Cut to 2020 I realised how myopic I was. I completely missed the plotline of how these teenage kids try to cope with the loss of their friend and for some, their love. The way they somehow feel responsible for what had happened and they regret that they carry for acting the way they did. Each one of them trying to not face those feelings and finding an escape. And then she comes again in their lives five years later. Well, I think that she never really left, how can the ones we love leave us? Slowly they come together as a group...

 'We begin from where we left'  I do not know why but people seem to think this is the most ideal form of reconnecting. So hear me out. Relations evolve with time as people grow and change. And during this relations may turn sour or get distant. These are the relations which need a 'reconnection'.  Now, if we begin from where we left then wouldn't the sourness be the point of your reconnection? Or the awkwardness of the distant between you two? Instead of restarting from where we left why don't we focus on acknowledging that both have grown as persons and can maybe give the relation a new shot from a different perspective. My experience says that things can never be the way that they once were. Getting back with former close friends will be much easier this way. I don't want to continue with the disagreement which let to the slow demise of our friendship neither do I want to go back to the time we slowly fell apart and were not important in each others' ...

 10:45pm 2nd April 2011 will be remembered by the whole of India (1.4bn people). It was the time, which the whole nation had been waiting for the past 28 years. And I saw the history being created in the cricket frenzy country like India, this win was no less than a festival. I bet almost every boy in this country dreams of becoming a cricketer. And while watching this version, many girls would have thought that if they were a guy they would have been a cricketer too.  The celebs to the aam aadmi, everyone's interested in it. Cricket serves as a game of twists and turns, not a game for weak hearted spectators. So is the craze in our country that everyone has their own superstition regarding it. Some people don't watch the match, some opt for fasting and the list continues. Its one of the things which unifies our country. But one thing sure is that the higher these people take the players for their good play, they don't hesitate a bit to push them down from their for there b...

The moon is high up in the air Wish I could fly up in the air And forget all the sorrow And the happiness that I borrow The stars are all twinkling My eyes are also blinking And the dream that I held dear Is almost halfway here Gotta do it now I know how Gotta do my best Forget all the rest.

GROWING UP It seems like just yesterday when I just came into this World And I just can't believe that now I am a part of this world Crying and sleeping that's what I used to do And then I started to crawl like other babies do And now can't believe that I am growing up, growing up Yes, I will be a grown up And then I was talking and walking And sure there was wobbling and a little bit of babbling And the day just came  I went to school with my dame Oh Yeah, and I just have to believe that I am growing up Yes, I will be a grown up. Kindergarten went by  Elementary and middle had their turn After High, friends bade me bye And now my life's gonna take rollercoaster turn And I am gonna do my best to play my turn Yes, I am growing up, growing up I will be a grown up Future lies ahead of me I will make it the brightest part of me So here I come I'm gonna win Yes, I know I can Lemme know you are here for me And I'll touch the stars of the heaven Cause I'm growing u...